| | So. I have been gone for... quite some time. Even before I "left," my updates were sporadic at best. Maybe I'll be more consistent now. I don't know.
Anyway, this is where I am now. I have caught the writing bug, badly. Or should I say, goodly? Who can tell? The point is that I'm writing. I've joined an online writing group, not having found an actual one in my area. It's going well, so far- I submit something every two weeks on average. Sometimes less, if I'm blocked on something. Most of what I submit is very rough, even if the prose isn't bad- rough on consistency, on character building, on... so many things. But I'm really, really liking it, even though there are areas I need to improve in. I've always liked stories, whatever form they were in- now I'm a storyteller!
Another new development- Hubby got laid off last Wednesday. He is currently looking for a new job, but... pickings are slim. He has applied for unemployment, but it will not come close to replacing his paycheck, which is what we were using to pay the bills. My paychecks were merely feeding us- a bad part about having two part-time jobs, one of which is inconsistent (my students). It's irksome that this happened right at the point where bills were being paid consistently on time- for some reason, something always happens at that point which messes up the equilibrium. I can't even tell you how many times I've spoken to family members in the last year, saying, "Oh, we're finally on budget!", or "Maybe we'll be able to start saving soon!" Arg. I wonder if this is a problem afflicting most people, or just our little family? It's not like we're extravagant- we don't even get T.V. for crying out loud. Just rent, power, phone/internet, and loans. Oh, and cells. I suppose you could call cell-phones extravagant (I know I would have several years ago). Anyway, even cutting out cells and phone/internet (they come bundled), my paychecks would not cover what was left. I'm also thinking about looking for a different job, but I honestly don't know where to look.
I'm feeling increasingly lonely here. I have no friends (except for Hubby), and I say that with complete honesty. Friends are people who actually know you, who understand you, who want to spend time with you. Part of that is my fault- it's hard for me to open up to people. I'm more inclined to show them only a few aspects of my personality in the beginning, and then it gets harder to really be all of myself around them as our acquaintance progresses. My first part time job (the consistent one) just had an overhaul of employees, so now there are fewer people who are even close to knowing me there. I find myself checking the Xanga frontpage excessively when I'm online; xanga, and my writing group forum, and the other forum I'm a member of. I'm just starved for interaction of some sort- even if what they say makes me angry (which is often the case, lately, at least for xanga).
It's not all bad, though- I've got a niece on the way, should be here in a few days in fact. I just got back from a trip to see them, actually, said trip having been planned months ago surrounding a wedding taking place in the same area. One way or another, I believe God will take care of us. Will it require our participation? Most likely. Will it require some sacrifice? Probably. At this point, I almost wish the hammer would fall already, so the dread would stop eating me alive. I can deal with things when they happen- it's the anticipation which kills me. At the same time, I'm really hoping that the hammer decides NOT to fall. But I don't know which would be better for me as a person or a christian. |
| | Posted 6/1/2009 11:46 PM - 6 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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